My Reflection Lies on the Surface of My Blade
by An Ordinary Riceball
Summary: Bullied and abused high school sophomore student, Gilbert Beilschmidt, always getting closer to just doing himself in. However, whenever an odd Japanese boy enrolls at his school, will their possible friendship give him the chance to eventually the light at the end of the road? Or will the one thread, which once represented his very being, be destroyed, by his own hand?AU. Dark. TW


_**Story: My Reflection Lies on the Surface of My Blade**_

 _ **(Kiku may seem a bit out of character at first, but I swear he's not. After he does enroll, he'll be so 'emotionless'(not) that you won't even know the difference~!)**_

 _ **Summary: Bullied and abused high school sophomore student, Gilbert Beilschmidt, is getting closer to just snapping and is on the verge of giving up all hope and just doing himself in. However, whenever Kiku Honda, a new Japanese transfer student, enrolls at his school, will their possible friendship give him the chance to see the good things in life, and, eventually, the real light at the end of the road...? Or will the one thread, which once represented his very being, hopes, and overall will to live, be destroyed, by his own hand...?**_

 _ **Warning: Self-harm, Highschool AU, Anxiety, minor depression, bad language, bullying, likely some drug abuse, and physical, and psychological(?) abuse, as well as possible suicide attempts and-or suicide; This is a possible tragedy in it's making... Oh and, also a once bullied and abused!Bully Russia(Even though I love him), and bad bad**_ **bad** _ **Natalia!  
**_

* * *

"Did you know? Dude, Arthur, Gilbert! I overheard some teachers talking! There's several new Asian students that are joining our class. One is Japanese, and another is Chinese! Isn't that awesome?" a wheat blond haired boy announced to some of his friends.

Another blonde haired boy sitting next to him, which had ridiculously thick eyebrows, just sighed in response. He obviously didn't care, one way or the _other_.

"To _you_ , it _would_ be awesome, wouldn't it? I don't care, and I really don't see what the big deal about it is. So _what_ if they're Asian...? What are you getting so excited about?" he grumbled in dispassion.

"Hey, Alfred," another one of them spoke up, in a strong German accent. He had what others would consider completely abnormal white hair, and at first glance, they would even be likely to assume it to be some sort of stupid fashion statement, without considering he might just be an albino, who also happened to have crimson-pink eyes. "do you know if they could both be related or something?"

"Yeah," Alfred smiled, nodding excitedly. "I'm guessing they're brothers or something."

"Wait, brothers? Alfred, if one is Chinese and the other is Japanese, then they aren't brothers." the other blonde spoke, obviously British.

"Who knows? Arthur, they could be adopted, too." the white haired boy suggested.

"Well, I suppose you could be right. Anyway, it's not like it really even matters, is it?" the one named Arthur replied.

"Ja, I suppose it doesn't..." the white-head nodded, trailing off into silence as he once again gazed away, when suddenly(finally) a bell rang, briefly silencing the cafeteria, as they just had finished their food.

" _Bonjour, mon petit frère~!_ " a French male accent suddenly chimed, seeming to put immediate distaste in Arthur's expression.

A boy, about the same height as Alfred or Gilbert, came over with a disturbing grin which none of them cared to even question. _"Francis..., oh god..."_

"I'll see both of you later, Gilbert, and Alfred. My brother, let us go..." Arthur growled at his repulsive expression, and just grabbed him by the hand, pulling him out the doors, before he even had the chance to say anything to the rest them.

To be honest, the few friends Gilbert even had; all of them were a little crazy or messed up in the head, but that was the reason they were friends in the first place, and... he was glad he at least had them, otherwise, right now, things might would be a lot worse than they were.

However, even so, he had no clue how long even _they_ would keep him going, considering how bad the bullies, and abuse at home, had been getting, but... while the thought of loosing his mind and them _did_ scare him, he wanted to at least _try_ to be happy, despite the depression, drinking, anxiety, and overall stress he had to deal with on a daily bases, and he did have ways though, unless, of course... his mother or father ended up finding out... He had to act happy and just put up with it to satisfy them, no matter how much it hurt like _hell_ , both physically and mentally.

Besides, there was no use in complaining, either way... Nobody would probably listen and believe him, his father would likely just shout at him, saying it was his fault that he'd got hurt, and he was tired of having to deal with his stupidity in getting beat up and hurt by them.

Yet, if defended himself and fought back, he'd have even _more_ hell to pay, and they would _both_ end up fussing at him, for just trying to protect himself. He wasn't allowed to cry or say he wasn't happy, because of the bullies and his parents...

So he was only allowed to smile around other people, just because they said he had to.

So why not just have _fun_ with that...? Even if he'd lost the color in his hair because of them, and anxiety, he wasn't going to allow them to take away the only friends he had. _No matter what._

Because, with _them_ , at least he was accepted one way or another, and, for a change, he could _somewhat_ accept _himself_.

"Um, haha, I guess better go. See you later, Gil!"

"Keseses~! Ja, you as well, Al! Stay awesome, like _me_ , okay?"

And, after Alfred had left him, his smile became... regretful and melancholic.

"...I'm not _awesome_... What the hell did I even just _say_...? Hah, well, I better go on to class, before Ivan or... Natalia or someone else comes after me again..."

He was worried by the thought, and quickly sifted through the crowd of students. Hopefully none of them would recognize him, but naturally, and as per usual, hope was he could ever do, and as usual, that "hope" just proved to be a pointless thing, after all. It had never once helped him, nor even meant anything in the end, to begin with...

After _all_ , he was here _again_ , _week after week_ , meeting the same intimidating eyes of a tall gray haired big nosed boy, wearing a long tan coat and light green scarf...

Just like he _always_ did...

"Ivan... hey, w-we should go to class, shouldn't we...?" His heart truly pleaded for Ivan to let him go, just this _once_.

" _Nyet._ I don't feel like it. I'd rather be _playing_ with _you,_ right now, anyway, and do not act like, or say you can't afford to miss _one_ class, also, because you do know I don't care, _da_?"

No such luck. Screw that asshole Ivan. This entire next week was seriously going to suck. He could already feel it coming on him.

"N-no. I guess your right... It's not like I have any other choice, _is_ it...?" He barely managed to hold back from glaring at him in distaste, because Ivan didn't at all like receiving 'no' for an answer. That was all there was too it.

In truth, _yeah_ , he _did_ have another 'choice'; be beaten by Ivan, or be beaten by both Ivan and his father, or mother(whichever _felt_ like it), and it wasn't like he was strong enough to allow himself to escape this for another time, himself. He may have hated it, but everyone was now gone; they were secluded, and outside. _Nobody_ would hear him if he even tried shouting for help, and, by _far_ , Ivan was even faster than himself in gym, so there was no point in making this worse than it already was, was there...?

But still, anxiety immediately took over, and he was _terrified_.

...

"Kiku, Yao, are you two ready? This will be a long trip, but you two should be happier in an American school, alright? I know you'll make some good friends, there. Yao, honey, keep him straight. You _did_ say he was like a little brother to you..." an larger set asian woman spoke, getting into a blue car, looking back into a her rear view mirror at two boys, which you would probably likely think were her two sons.

"...Hai." one of them, a short haired boy, most likely Japanese, grumbled, trying to detach himself from this situation - not that it was working. He obviously didn't want to attend a 'public school', as he'd never once been exposed to very many people before.

"Of course! Kiku will always be my little brother! I'll make sure he makes some really good friends, and he'll grow so attached to some of them that he ever want to be away from them!" The older boy, who had to have been Chinese, patted him on the head, obviously excited about this trip and transfer. Perhaps more excited for his 'little brother', though?

The younger one seemed to want to think that such a thing wasn't possible, even though he knew it _was_ , and there was also a very slight look of awkwardness, hidden anxieties, and fear in his eyes. Still, regardless, not that he would ever probably want to admit it, a slim feel of hoped remained as well down, even though he didn't want to feel it down deep. He'd always had bad experiences and emotion comprehension problems, even now.

" _Nanira_..." he mumbled to himself.

"Kikuuu, don't _'Nanira'_ me! I keep telling you this will be fun!" the older retorted, somehow hearing that.

"I don't want... to make any friends..., Yao-san..." 'Kiku' looked away, no longer able to hold back from saying the one thing he'd wanted to say the whole time.

'Yao' studied him, before glancing away, understandingly. "I know..., but it'll be best for both of us. And it was what your mother wanted for you, anyway, Kiku..."

"Hai, I _know_ that, but why would okaa-san-"

"Because she loved you! And she was worried for you, but why did you even bother asking that...?"

Kiku then grew silent, before cover his face in his hands. "... _kashira_."

Then, for the first time, ever since Yao had been adopted into Kiku's 'family', he saw him cry. Yao swore he never wanted to see that again, because, in that moment he froze, and couldn't do _anything_ to be there for him that time.

Kiku would be happy in America. He vowed to himself to make sure of it. He so badly wanted Kiku... to smile for once in his life.

 _~ End of Chapter_

* * *

 _ **Translations(correct me if I'm wrong)-**_

 _ **Bonjour, mon petit frère~! - Hello, my little brother~!  
**_

 _ **Nyet: No.**_

 _ **Hai: Yes.**_

 _ **Nanira...: Whatever...**_

 _ **...kashira.: ...I wonder.**_

* * *

 _ **A/N: What do you think? I seriously think this fandom needs some more PruPan love, even if**_ **_they_ are** _ **just being friends, and I had started this on my phone quite a while ago, but never finished the first chapter, and before something might happen to it, well..., I decided I'd post it. I don't know when or I'll update. Hell, it may even be a year, but I do want to try a friendship out between Gilbert and Kiku, and if enough people want and ask for this to be PrussiaxJapan or JapanxPrussia, then it will become just**_ **that** _ **, however, this will be a SLOW BUILD, you**_ **have** _ **been warned, and I'm not that great at all at writing M/R rated content, so this will remain T rated, regardless, unless you all insist the content in the warnings alone should be M Rated, either way. PLEASE tell me what you think, and if you** **want** **me to continue this (for real. I want and kind of need to know). Ludwig should be coming in maybe the third chapter, ((if I get some suggestions, as I really do crave reviews xD)), by the way, if anyone wants to know.  
**_


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